I didn’t really think I was into lingerie until I realized I have a whole collection. I have lots of women’s clothes. I have a whole closet full.
The way I pick out something to wear is how colorful it is and what it feels like. Most of the lingerie I have is black or red. I like black and red because they’re really sexy colors. Part of the fun is acquiring itactually going out and getting it, coming home with it. All the stuff I get is from thrift stores and that’s part of the fun, too. Going to the ladies department, pawing the big piles of lingerie, finding something that’s red or black, something that’s really sexy, and then taking it to the checkout stand.
What really gets me excited is seeing men wearing really feminine stuff, and I think lingerie is as feminine as you can get. The real base of it is to see a man who is not attempting to pass for a woman dress in really feminine clothes.
When the first Playgirl calendar came out, a friend of mine had it in his kitchen and he had put glitter all over one of the foldouts. I thought that was funny. I had one too, and went home and drew a dress on him. That was really fun. It was really erotic to see a man wearing lingerie, a man wearing a dress.
I remember the first time I ever saw fisting. The top was in full leatherchaps, vest, boots and a hoodand a lacy blue peignoir! That’s what I’m interested in: combining parts of being really male and parts of being really female. That’s really kinky to me.
Recently, I’ve been getting feedback about aspects of my personality that other people perceive that I’ve sort of known all along. That when I wear a dress or other feminine things it’s clear that I’m a man but, at the same time, I do it well. It looks good. It looks like I should be wearing it. It’s not like I’m trying to pass for a woman at all. I’m not denying that I’m a male. It’s a blending, a gender blur. What we used to call gender fuck in the 70s.
I used to think it was my mission as a radical fairy to make sure that all the fairies I knew would have some sort of skirt or dress. When I went to thrift stores, I would buy stuff that was really outrageous, that I knew would never fit me, but that I knew somebody else would want. Then frequently I went to gatherings and gave things away, or encouraged people: “Here, put this on. I think it’s something that would look good on you.” I still do that. I remember a particular man that I really admired, really liked a lot. I gave him a present of a red slip, which he put on. But he felt the red slip was too outrageous for him, so I also gave him a filmy housedress. You could see the red slip through the housedress. It made his appearance less outrageous and reminded me of how I think of himas intensely sexual, but also pretty shy.
When I’ve gone to the doctor I’ve taken all my rings out, but I’ve carried them in my pocket. As soon as I’ve left, I’ve put them back in. I really felt that I was invisible when I had them out. When I put them back in, I really did feel that I was whole again.
Piercings and tattoos are a way of claiming my body, a way of marking it as mine, a way of saying, “This is my body and I can do with it what I want.” I like my body and I like how other people see it. I don’t feel invisible when I go to the gymI know that the other men notice my piercings. Some openly stare at me and some look out of the corners of their eyes. Some are astonished. I’m not a 19-year-old blond body builder, but this is who I am: I have pierced tits and a pierced dick and a tattoo and lots of holes in my ears.
from an interview with Jack D.