There is a real balance here that makes our SM relationship work. He loves to get whipped and I love to whip him. He is very turned on by bondage and I am very turned on by binding him. The two sides of the activities stimulate us in different ways.
I may spend an hour tying Jim down to the bed, doing a very elaborate rope and leather or string combination that makes it very difficult for him to move. (Naturally, following a responsible top’s way, there is no restriction of his breathing or circulation, or anything that would in any way physically harm him. It’s just that he can’t move his limbs or body.) He finds that very stimulating and I love to do it. My turn-on comes from his reactions to what I do. His struggling against the bonds turns me on a lot and feeling restrained turns him on. Seeing his reactions and hearing his gasps and groans of pleasure when I put tit clamps on him, or squeeze his balls, or something like that, turns me on tremendously.
Jim prefers whipping where there is a heavy thud, from what we call a flogger, rather than from a whip with very narrow ends that gives a stinging feeling. So I tend to use a flogger. That’s an example of how we’ve worked things out: this is what I enjoy and this is what you enjoy and this is how they can mesh in a way that is mutually satisfying, safe, exciting and stimulating.
What I do is always based on a great deal of caring for him. I think that is one of the most misunderstood things about SM. People that aren’t into SM don’t see that whipping, for example, can be a very caring action, an expression of how much I love and care for Jim, rather than working out frustrations or something like that.
We may do things that are relatively gentle. Stimulating a person continuously over a long period of time can be a very intense experience. Whipping one’s partner over a short period of time can also be an intense experience. Intensity comes in many different forms and, for me, it has to stimulate more than just what is between my legs. I need to find it stimulating between my ears as well. And elsewhere on my body. There are times when Jim and I have sex where I don’t have an orgasm and nothing is done toward achieving one. He may or may not have an orgasm. It’s wonderful for both of us, it’s sex as far as I’m concerned and it’s really great. You can have great sex without an orgasm.
Pain? To me, pain is unpleasant and unwanted stimulation. If the stimulation I’m receiving is something I want and enjoy, then it’s not really pain. If it’s stimulating and pleasant, it’s not pain, it’s something else. It’s pleasant stimulation.
Whatever individuals do with each other that gives them pleasure and harms no one else is no one else’s business and shouldn’t be interfered with. But there is no way of convincing the Jesse Helmses and the Dannemeyers and the Swaggerts of the world. Those individuals are the true Satanists. They have sold out to Satan, without being aware of it. They are so obsessed with Satan that Satan is their god. It’s really pretty pathetic.
They worship suffering and are threatened by anyone who worships or pursues pleasure. That is antithetical to my spiritual beingto worship death and suffering: That’s what the Christian religion is, a cult of suffering and death. I just can’t go along with that. To me life is too beautiful and precious to obsess on suffering and hold that as the ideal.
from an interview with Drew Ward
Anthropologists say that there is evidence of piercing going back to pre-history. It’s part of human nature and it has been a part of virtually every culture in the world at some time or another. The particular piercings may be different; in one part of the world, they pierce one part of the body, and in another part of the world, they pierce another part. It may be something that lasts for a few hundred years here, a few hundred years there. But it’s always been going on somewhere, as far back as they can trace, and it’s going strong today.
In tribal societies, there are many reasons for piercing the body. One obvious one is decoration. The urge to ornament the body has always been there, whether they hang shells on their piercings or however so-called primitive tribal cultures ornament their bodies, even today. Another very important reason is as a rite of passage. In tribal societies, when the young men (or young women) reach a certain age, they are ready to come into the society. There are rites and rituals whereby they endure some painful or frightening experience, or both. By facing that and coming through it, they are welcomed into the culture as adults. Our society doesn’t have that. I personally feel that’s one of the reasons there is so much violence in the young in our society. They are seeking to validate themselves as grownups. So, piercing can be used in the rite of passage.
There are other reasons for piercings. It can be a thing of status. Individuals who enjoy a high rank or position in their particular culture may wear something of value in their piercingswhether it’s gold or something else that represents wealth to them. By wearing these things in their bodies they show their rank and social position. Also, it’s a very practical way of taking care of your wealth, at least as much as you can carry.
In certain parts of the worldancient Greece, ancient Rome, the Islamic countriesthere was a practice called infibulation. The genitals are piercedthe foreskin in a man or the labia lips in a womanand a locking device is inserted, so the person is incapable of intercourse. This practice has been incorporated in SM societies to some extent, switched from anti-sexual to erotic, as a form of bondage and control, particularly within some slave/ Master relationships.
Then there is the direct stimulation that piercings provide, purely for erotic reasons. The fact is that a little piece of metal installed in a hole in certain parts of your body will give you greatly heightened sexual feelings. That is the main reason people today are getting pierced. They are discovering that there is a tremendous augmentation of the feelings they experience during sex. That little piece of metal moving in the flesh takes it all to a higher octave. That’s why we’re doing it.
And that has a lot to do with why it has been done traditionally. For instance, the ampallang, which is the horizontal piercing straight through the head of the penis, is probably the most well-documented of all of the exotic piercings. There are lots of references to it. It is indigenous to parts of the South PacificBorneo, New Guinea, parts of the Philippinesand it was mentioned by some of the missionaries, who of course tried to suppress it. That is a piercing that is done purely for erotic reasons. And there is another version of it, the appradavra, which is the vertical counterpart, that is mentioned in the Kama Sutra. And it is done for the same reason: for erotic stimulation.
There has been a revival of what is sometimes called the old religion. Large numbers of people are tracing religious roots back to pre-history. All the major religions of the worldChristianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduismare really very anti-life as far as I’m concerned. This world is a “vale of tears.” The body is no good; you’re supposed to transcend the body. If you’re really good, when you die you’ll go to heaven and get your goodies. Wiccans say that’s a bunch of baloney. If you believe in some kind of deity, this deity is loving, this deity has created something that is wonderful. This planet is sacred.
The Jews and the Christians believe in a male God. Those are patriarchal religions and a male can create only by using something outside himself. The end result is to perceive the creation as somehow less holy than the creator.
Wiccans and pagans speak of the deity more as the mother, as a female. We don’t deny the male aspect, but if you look at the deity from the female side, she gives birth to creation. Creation comes out of her and because she is sacred her creation is sacred. If you look at creation as something sacred, you attempt to work in harmony with nature, not conquer her.
Fundamentalists cut themselves off at the waist. They don’t have genitals. They won’t own them anyway. Wiccans say we are total. Wiccans try to use the energy that is in the genitals, which is very, very potent, and draw that energy up through the power centers; to the power center in the belly, up through the heart and on up to enlightenment. You can’t do that if you are only a partial person. If you say you have nothing from the waist down, you are only half a person. You don’t have any juice. Life is to be celebrated. It’s not to be denied.
The most powerful force in the universe is sex, the thing that keeps life going. Without sex, there is no life. It’s just that simple.
from an interview with Jim Ward